//I cannot concentrate. A nap earlier did not help.
//Oh God, no. Eh. That just sounds dreadful. Let me cuddle you and stroke your hair even long after the fact…
//I’m not wigged out by gross things, but I tend to stay far away from all things Chideon unless it’s by someone I follow and know their tastes. gabbiegross has some great, simple Chilton/Gideon fan art and is also one of these shippers, but she keeps the explicit stuff on a different page and under cuts for those of us who… Don’t appreciate the hate sex that happens.
Chilton followed Abel quietly, the only sound she made was that of her trembling breath. She looked around the building. Why here? she wondered to herself.
"Oh, now, don’t you black out on me Frederika," he hummed, placing both hands on either side of her head and holding it aloft. Abel absently ran a thumb along her cheek. "You really are a light weight, aren’t you?"
"M’not a light weight," she muttered, looking up at Abel with glazed eyes. "What’re you gon’ do t’me? Are you gon’a kill me?" Fear and worry were still present even though she still slurred her words.
"Mmmm," he looked up at the telescope frame that stood in the observatory. "I haven’t decided yet." The doctor returned his gaze to the psychiatrist who sat at his mercy. He then squeezed his hands against her cheeks. "Hmm. Your pretty face charms many a prisoner at Baltimore, doesn’t it? Maybe I should change that…"
Alana looked at Abel, slightly shocked. How did he know? She was barely starting to show, and had avoided bringing up the topic with most people for various reasons. She knew it would be wise to tell Abel the truth, even though it would be hard. Hard for her to tell him, and probably even harder for him to hear.
"I…" she trailed off, casting her eyes down to the floor. "Yes, I’m pregnant."
He had always wanted to hold her, wrap his arms tight around Alana, bury his nose in her hair and breath in her scent… But not like this. Abel felt sick and sad for the woman who had always tried so hard to help him find himself. She seemed to have been the only one who cared about him, even after he had slain the nurse because he was led to believe a lie fed to him by Frederick Chilton.
Alana being in the verge of tears was tearing him up inside. He held her tighter, rubbing a hand along the woman’s upper arm. Abel shook his head, helpless. “I’m so sorry Alana. I wish there was something I could do…”
Taking a deep breath Alana blinked and tried to hold back the tears. Although it was difficult she didn’t want to let her emotions get the best of her. She knew she could get through this, it was just going to be difficult.
"Being here is enough, really Abel," she said, pulling away from the man to look him in the eyes. "It’s been difficult for me… this past while. It means a lot that you’re here."
She paused, her eyes falling to gaze blankly at the floor.
"I hope you don’t think any less of me because of all this."
"No, no," He rubbed Alana’s upper arm as his eyes squeezed shut. "Lecter used all of us, Alana. His twisted game of cat and mouse. I cannot think any more highly of you. You’re the only one who stood up for me when Chilton brainwashed me. The only person who wanted to help. I’m not going anywhere."
"You’re right Jonas," Abel said. "There is a difference. Being used by someone you thought was a friend is worse than being outright fooled. Because they play games with your emotions. Make you think you need them, even when you don’t. Even if they do horrible things to you and your friends and family… You still somehow feel as if it wasn’t their fault. They were only trying to help… And it isn’t until it finally dawns on you that they feel and have felt nothing for you, you were just a pawn in their sick little game, that you can finally let it go."
"I know I fucked up. I fucked up on so many more levels than I can count. It was a mistake to keep pushing Lucas, it was a mistake to make that deal with him and it was a mistake to willingly go to his home that night. I accept full responsibility for my actions. I’m not looking to make excuses."
She could only hope they’d forgive her.
"We all were pawns, and I can’t help but to think we still are even though we’re out of Trinity. It’s gotten into us, and I’m trying to get it out."
"Well, you can get it out without me." Jonas grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. "Don’t expect me back tonight."
Abel cast his gaze downward and tucked his knees up to his chest. He didn’t want anyone to go anywhere, but everyone was too angry and upset to deal with things clearly. No one was going to be rational for a while. Cooler heads needed to prevail and he remained quiet.